~Strumming away my thoughts~

Thursday, April 30, 2009

tired. eyelids heavy. feeling of fatigue. lack of energy. tiredness. finger pain. sprained foot (-.-). unexplainable headache.

next week. myes. no mood. no drive. no effort in study. worry about marks. disappointment. no understanding. fear of failure. fear of disappointing.

haiz. feel very emo now. prob cos of the basketball match which i played like shit and sprained my foot. zzzz. now it hurts esp when i tiptoe. im even half-limping. and probably feeling emo also cos of the fatigue im feeling now. its really so easy to be tired. school's becoming more and more demanding. i dont like any part of this at all. not one bit.

i dont have any form of motivation at all. thinking about olevels just makes it worse. and also thinking about all the ppl i would disappoint if i fail just makes me feel more guilty. zzz. and then it would only lead to self blame and emo-ness. i hate school.

dunno wad to update about today also. nothing much bah. stayed back after extra lessons today for small group coaching. cleared some doubts and stuff. lagging behind in dnt but shud be able to catch up. ~~worse case just fail and use some other subject lor. lol~~ i wont let that happen. but somehow. a voice in my head says that i can only stay in this attitude for awhile. not that long. but at least it lasts for now.

i seriously miss being in sec 3. everything was ok, simple, happy. anything bad happened we would say "aiyah olevels next yr then tok la" but yeah. sec 4 life sucks. and then some ppl can even say that we are living in the best years of our lives. thats just bullshit. it would have been the best. if we werent forced to study this much over the needed amount we need to know. its like wad mrs goh said to kenneth's mom. "subjects like _____ are not meant for ur future use. they are just to instill discipline in you." wtf. want learn discipline got so many other ways. why studying? why the stupid method that causes, sleepless nights, endless worrying, countless doubts and disappointment? in some cases it even ruins ppl's relationships.

i need an escape. or at LEAST a damn break. so im so "thankful and happy" that theres labour day tomoro. going to study with pinoy and eezeng.. and then dunno doing what after that. lol. ah well.

i have totally lost my mood to blog. i'll just keep on ranting endlessly anyway.
im just feeling so vexed and messed up inside now.

bye then

im still confused.
sometimes it feels like i can. but at times it feels like its impossible.
tell me what to do.

all the roads we have to walk are winding

Sanzo blogged at 8:34 PM

Strumming away my thoughts...
the rhythm of my heart...