~Strumming away my thoughts~

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Read at ur own discretion
comment, flame, spam, advice, wadever. just go ahead.
just dont think too badly of me. ( if it causes u to do so, somehow =.= )

~letting out the noise inside of me
every window pane is shattering
cutting up my words before i speak
this is how it feels to not believe~

ive been having the same shitty mood for the past few weeks.

ok, mayb not shitty

but its so damn fluctuating. its like within one day, i can just keep on flipping from good to bad mood like dunno how many times. and no, its not ok the way it is now

its friggin irritating.

its like, i cant even stay angry if i want to -.-. like mood swing like that.

why do i have this shitty mood? i also dunno why.

prob olevels and stuff. and prob my attitude towards work and study

yea. im getting lazier and lazier. i dun put in my best in my work. its just try. cannot do, dun even bother looking thru examples. i would just think "teacher scold then scold lor. big deal"

i KNOW its practise for olevels

i KNOW im lazy.

i know i shudnt be having this kind of mentality for school work. ( only some subjects. not all )

i always think "aiyah also not affecting olevels. why bother"

yea call me lazy. i noe i am. ive tried to change but i just cant. its just not the way i work.

or mayb i just dun care.

its effing sian u noe. i cant even show my bad mood.

cos by the time i wanna show it, my mood change liao. its so screwed up.

and i also cant show, cos if any word of it gets out to teachers or parents, a lecture on changing attitudes starts all over again. and then i get pissed again. my attitude still doesnt change. so wad the hell is the point.

im too tired to go and fight or argue or try and "debate" on how i feel.

why? cos almost everyday got tuition. im too tired and not used to this kind of life

its like every effing day got school. like wtf. im sry but my brain cant absorb so much shit at once.

i hate having my free time taken away from me

i just hate the life im having now

next week they giving out the registration form thingy for olvls. im not sure if i shud take it.

i really dun care abt olevels anymore. i mean, even if i fail, i wldnt even cry. regret? mayb abit.

but it really seems so unimportant to me now.

yeah im lazy i noe. so what? not like i'll change. i just cant be bothered.

i have the wrong attitude. i have hope, but im not working on it. i have the chance to excel. but i dont want to. im just too tired of this life to even think clearly abt what i want now.

my mood isnt helping at all. i get irritated easily.

this year just sucks.

i dont belong here. "Saying everything ive said before. all these thoughts they make no sense. ive found bliss in ignorance. nothing seems to go away"

im losing reason to continue schooling. the same things happen day after day after day.

i need a way out. i need a break. it wont end till much much later.

school's not the only problem now. i ~~may~~ will disappoint alot of people. ive got alot more to say. but like how i always do, i'll just say "forget it" and just keep it inside. so to end,

im just saying sorry in advance

dont talk to me about my problems unless u can solve them.
hope it gets over soon. tho i doubt it will.

~when my soul is poured into six strings...~

~I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening
Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be
(I am unbroken; I'm choking on this ecstasy)
Oh Lord I'll try so hard but you gotta let go of me
(Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live)~

Sanzo blogged at 6:14 PM

Strumming away my thoughts...
the rhythm of my heart...